The Up-Side of Illness

I’m still sick. I can’t believe it. This cold is just hanging on with a vengence, I’ve been sick for something like two whole weeks now. As much as I’d like to say that I expect to be up and back to my talkative self tomorrow I can feel that that isn’t true. (Maybe it’s time to visit the doctor?) My deepest apologies for my lack of blogging lately, sitting up at the computer tends to make my head throb. I’ll try to be a little more in touch this next week (hopefully the throbbing will begin to subside soon).

On the plus side, being laid up in bed, too tired to do anything and too awake to sleep did give me the opportunity to read. Yep, despite not feeling all that coherent I’ve managed to finish quite a few books. I’m impressed. And seeing as how I’m definitely not coherent enough to make a witty post or share deep thoughts I’ve decided to share my reading with you instead. That way you’ll know I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth and I can feel like I accomplished something.

I’ve finished reading The Selected Poems and Letters of Emily Dickinson (to be honest, I only read the poems part so technically I didn’t finish it). It’s not on my reading list because it was part of my Morning Reading that I use in my personal quiet time. I’ve replaced it (because I enjoyed starting my morning with poetry so much) with A Little book of Cherished Poems (By Kay Anne Carson). I don’t think this book will take as long to read (it’s just one poem on each page), but I got it off the bargain book shelf and it’s got a nice mix of poets so it seems worthwhile.

I finally finished Shopaholic Takes Manhatten (by. Sophia Kinsella). You’re probably not overly interested in what I thought about this book, what with it being mere Chick Lit; suffice it to say it’s so embarrassing (for the main character, not me) it was painful for me to read. I know that, for some, the embarrasment of others (real or fictional) is high humor, but for me it’s physically painful. I just can’t bear to watch things like Mr. Bean and the main character of this book is so blindly foolish I kept having to put the book down. That’s got to say something about me, but frankly I’m just too sick to care right now.

Then, my library graciously lent me A Spot of Bother (Mark Haddon). I loved Haddon’s first book The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night ; it was a couldn’t it put it down read. Which is why I had requested A Spot of Bother. I did love this book, I actually read good portions of it outloud to Wakizashi. The guy is an awesome writer – I may be suffering from jealousy. But, I should include a bit of warning, he’s not exactly, umm, family friendly. He’s not gratuitous so much as, point blank, and there are a few sexually descriptive (gay and straight) sex scenes. (I swear I didn’t know when I started reading.) I wouldn’t want you to come back upset because I didn’t warn you. If you can handle that stuff the writing is masterful. Got to love the Brits when it comes to fiction.

I didn’t just read fiction though. I think I may be tuning into a work-a-holic, well, at least when it comes to reading. So, I also used my time to complete:

SARK’s Make Your Creative Dreams Real. I’d never read anything by SARK before, but she was often referenced in my other books, so I figured it was about time I read some of her work. I was looking at getting an entirely different book (if she’s so popular, why doesn’t my library carry her?), but I found this one on sale at the Book Depot and decided to read it. It was probably a good place to start, because despite the fact that it doesn’t have her characteristically decorated pages, it does have a lot of information; it’s a good compilation of her other books I think. I enjoyed the book – highlighted whole sections and all that – but she wasn’t really my style. I’m still glad I read it; I did get a handful of great ideas out of it. Always a mark of a worthwhile book.

I randomly found this book in the library when I was looking for something else entriely (why is it I go to the library for two very specific books and come home with eleven? I can’t even read that many books at once; I’m not sure what I was thinking.) and couldn’t resist borrwing it. I have to say, I’m glad I did. Talk about inspirational! I hadn’t intended to read this bok first, I had planned on reading You’ve Got To Read This Book and picked this one up instead one day when I was feeling extra crappy and couldn’t put it down (I’m reading the Got To Read This Book book now). Chicken Soup for the Soul:Living Your Dreams is actually a complilation of stories that were published in previous Chicken Soup books (but I hadn’t read any of them before), stories they picked out specifically because they showed people living their dreams and striving for their purpose – they were stories of success. I loved the book. It was so inspiring. It’s definitely one I’d recommend to everyone who’s looking ot live their purpose. We all need a bit of encouragement now and then. Actually, I’m kind of sad I have to give it back to the library. It sucks when that happens.

I’ve been meaning to post about this book for weeks. The day that I got sick I went to Chapters to get out of the house and have some time alone (both the boys were laid up sick in different rooms). I found this book (among a handful of ohers) and ended up reading the whole thing sitting right there on the floor (there used to be comfy chairs in the bookstore, but they took them out and put hard back wooden chairs in – ick – so now I sit on the floor to read). I loved this book. It’s written specifically for the Business industry; the authors run an advertising agency and so they use a lot of business examples and stories, so I’ve decided that I need to email the authors and ask, no demand, that they make a new version for the general public. I so believe in the message of this book. It was an easy read; it only took me two to three hours to get through the whole thing, but I think everyone needs to read this book. When you are born, or graduate into adulthood, you should get a collection of necessary books (like the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, The Five Love Languages, etc) and this is one of those books. It pays to be nice; our world needs a whole lot more nice. It gave me some great ideas and goals I want to incorporate into Everyday Renaissance, but it was an even better motivator on how I want to live my life in general. Read this book. If you only read one of these books, read this one (which I hope makes up for the fact that I didn’t actually buy the book myself).

Phew… I think that’s all the sitting up and looking at a computer screen my poor sinus head can handle. I don’t know when I’ll be back to post, but fear not, I have not abandoned you. I’ll try and get something up every few days until I’m well again.

Cross-posted on Flaming Renaissance

 

For Inspiration (on Blessing)

Have you had a kindness shown?
Pass it on!
‘Twas not given for thee alone,
Pass it on!
Let it travel down the years,
Let it wipe another’s tears,
Till in Heaven the deed appears -
Pass it on!
– Henry Burton

He who sees a need and waits to be asked for help is as unkind as if he had refused it.
— Dante Alighieri

 

A Blessing Amendment

The section I’ve been reading for the last week or so in my Book of Positive Quotations has been “Helping Other People”, how coincidental (a word of convenience, I still haven’t decided on a new word to replace it) considering my earlier posts on blessing others.

Last week I started working on a project; it’s a Guidebook for 2007 (I’m really very proud of it actually), it is full of lists and goals and things to “guide” me through the next year. I asked myself questions about my life goals and my dreams, questions about who I want to be and where I want the next year (and the rest of my life) to lead me. One of the things I discoverd answering all these questions was that blessing, or giving to others, is really important to me.

I’ve lived at least half of my life (so far) needing others to be generous with me just to get by. (I suppose, in truth, we all need others, but some of us can get away with thinking that we don’t.) I know, more than anyone else, that I’m where I am today because of the generosity of others. So, more than anything else, I want to be able to do the same for other people, who, like me, need others. Generosity is important to me.

But, I’m not quite as generous as I’d like to be. I mean well, but being generous isn’t instinctive to me yet. I still need to learn to live more genrously. Then I realized, how better to learn generosity than by being generous.

All of this thinking has made me decide that I’d like to ammend my blessing challange to myself. I don’t want to just bless ten people over the next few weeks, I want to teach myself to watch for people I can bless all the time. Which is why I’ve decided to spread my challange out over the year.

My new goal is to bless a minimum of one person each month (the key being finding a person I can bless). I don’t want to stop at one person, should the opportunity come to bless one a week, then that’s how many I’ll bless. But, I don’t want to be too amibtious; I am after all a Blesser in Training; I’d rather aim low and hit my target than aim too high and become discouraged (a good lesson for goal setting by the way). So, by December 2007 I’ll have blessed a minimum of twelve people, but, even more importantly, I’ll have gotten into the habit of keeping my eyes and heart open for opprtunities to be a blessing. Which is after all, the real goal.

I was pondering all this when I came across an exercise in a book I was reading. The exercise wasn’t intended to be used for lessons in blessings and generosity, but as soon as I read it I knew it was the perfect tool for the job. So, just in case you’ve decided to take up some level of my blessing challange for yourself, here’s the (slightly ammended) exercise for you to try for yourself.

Be a Blessing Exercise
Make note of any problems you see people having, or hear people complaining about. (I have a little notebook I carry around that would be perfect for this exercise.) Then brainstorm as many possible solutions as you can to their problem (aim for five or more). Look at the solutions – is there something there you can do for them? Now do it!

This exercise isn’t perfect. Obviously, it’s not helpful for those immediate, the woman at the counter is short $5, opportunities; you don’t actually need a list, or maybe, don’t have time to make a list, for some of the blessing opportunities you’ll find. Also, I suppose, there will be some cases where what you can offer isn’t really going to make a dent in the problem. But that’s ok, because the goal of the exercise is to learn to see opportunities to bless more than it is to act out the blessings; after all we can’t act on them if we don’t see them.

It’s not exactly the same scope as my original challange, it doesn’t feel as big and exciting to me, but I’m still excited about it. I’m excited because I think it’s like the “Teach a man to fish” idea… In the long run I’ll be producing way more blessings with this plan (think of next year, and the year after) than I would have with my short-term project. And, that is exciting.

 

You Don’t Know Me

I remember once, a few years ago, I told this guy I was working on a project for the church with, that I thought he was very nice. Nice, as in Kind (I wasn’t trying to flirt, I was being sincere). He was polite and generous, and always trying to encourage the others on the team. He was just a nice guy, and I thought he should know that I noticed that about him. I’ve never forgotten his response to me.

He thanked me for my compliment and seemed very flattered. He told me it meant a lot to him because he worked very hard at being nice, but he didn’t always know if he was succeeding. It seems, that he, himself, was anything but a nice guy. He said, as a teenager and young adult (he was in his 30s at the time) he’d been a bully and downright mean. In fact, he said, to that day, despite years of apologizing for how he treated her, his sister still did not trust him. He’d been so cruel to her growing up she didn’t want to trust him.

He told me, if he managed to be nice to anyone it wasn’t him who was nice, but God in him. That it was God changing him.

I’ve been thinking about that answer again lately. A few incidences brought it back to mind. I replied, a few weeks ago, to someone without stopping to breath (posting before you think should be punishable by time outs or something). I was a tad bit snarky. But, the response I got back, “This isn’t like you,” almost made me want to laugh (in a sad kind of way). Because honestly, that is like me; snarky is me (just ask Wakizashi). In fact, that mouthy, snarky, touchy person is more me than you’d think. My natural instinct has always been to lash out with my mouth.

I don’t mean to give you the wrong impression. I’m not some kind of hypocrite who smiles and talks nice on the outside, but inside is thinking nasty things at you. Don’t worry, this isn’t some kind of confessional post. What I’m actually saying is that that is who I used to be, and who I work every day not to be again.

Like my friend said, God is changing me, and I’m doing the work it takes to be changed. (I assure you, taking the humble root when I really want to ask who they think they are is a lot of work.)

The nice happy, articulate, and always friendly (even humble) Megan you know (is that going too far?) is not the original me. It is a choice I make each morning and each time I’m tempted to let my emotions make my choices. I don’t put on someone I’m not, but I don’t behave the way I used to either. (How’s that for complicated?)

When my friend gave me that answer I knew what he meant, but I’d never experienced that myself. Up until that point I had worked on changing my bad habits, but I had never really let go of them. I had never really decided that I was willing to let my whole character be changed. I’m glad I know exactly what he means now.

I suppose that that guy is still a nice guy. I imagine that he’s even nicer now than he was then (he’s had all these years to practice being nice). I wonder if he struggles even less with the temptation to be mean, if it’s any easier to be nice? I, it seems, still need to remember to stop and take a breath between frustration, pride, and hurt before allowing myself to speak. The “real me” is always happy to have her say (and she’s not always sorry about it afterwards).

I’m awfully glad that this me is the one you know, and I promise to forgive you should you see the real me peeking out, and naturally assume that’s not actually me talking. We both know better, but I’d rather you didn’t know that me anyway.

On Flaming Renaissance:

Friday Felicitations
Dreaming

 

The Road Ahead of Me

A prayerful thought as we begin a new year…

My Lord God, I have no idea where I’m going. I do not see the road ahead of me, I cannot know where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing… And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
– Thomas Merton

 

Two Holiday Lists

I have vowed not to make a stereotypial “New Year blah, blah, blah” post (there are many of them out there in the blogging world if you absolutely must read one). Instead, I present you with two holiday lists.

What I didn’t do this Holiday:

- I didn’t freak out (ok, not more than the once… or twice)
- I didn’t eat too much (umm, I did eat a bit of chocolate (maybe too much of it), which is very unusual for me, but the rest I was good with, I swear)
- I didn’t fight with anyone, except my sister, husband, and son
- I didn’t get enough sleep
- I didn’t paint anything
- I didn’t do the work I was hoping to do
- I didn’t post my final pair of PJs
- I didn’t blog (at least not successfully – long story)

Things I did do this Holiday:

- I did give some awesome and thoughtful gifts (and got some too), if I do say so myself
- I did wear flannel pajamas every night
- I did spend the whole week feeling like I had mysteriously awoken one morning as a chicken who was short one head
- I did go out in flannel pajama pants as if they were real pants (and noone could tell the difference, it’s officially my new favorite outfit)
- I did ride in an ambulance and spend New Year’s Eve in the hospital (panic not, everyone is well now. The Kung Fu Master was just helping us bring in the New Year in a New Way – maybe not fodder for a yearly tradition though)
- I did have quiet time (mostly) every morning

And, now, I am glad that Wakizashi is returning to work (sorry Wakizashi) which will herald the return to normalcy at our house. Whatever the heck “normalcy” happens to mean.

Merry Back to Normal Life to all of you too!