Living Abundantly

Have you had a kindness shown?
Pass it on!
‘Twas not given for thee alone,
Pass it on!
Let it travel down the years,
Let it wipe another’s tears,
Till in Heaven the deed appears -
Pass it on!
– Henry Burton

He who sees a need and waits to be asked for help is as unkind as if he had refused it.
— Dante Alighieri

The section I’ve been reading for the last week or so in my Book of Positive Quotations has been “Helping Other People”, how coincidental (a word of convenience, I still haven’t decided on a new word to replace it) considering my earlier posts on blessing others.

Last week I started working on a project; it’s a Guidebook for 2007 (I’m really very proud of it actually), it is full of lists and goals and things to “guide” me through the next year. I asked myself questions about my life goals and my dreams, questions about who I want to be and where I want the next year (and the rest of my life) to lead me. One of the things I discoverd answering all these questions was that blessing, or giving to others, is really important to me.

I’ve lived at least half of my life (so far) needing others to be generous with me just to get by. (I suppose, in truth, we all need others, but some of us can get away with thinking that we don’t.) I know, more than anyone else, that I’m where I am today because of the generosity of others. So, more than anything else, I want to be able to do the same for other people, who, like me, need others. Generosity is important to me.

But, I’m not quite as generous as I’d like to be. I mean well, but being generous isn’t instinctive to me yet. I still need to learn to live more genrously. Then I realized, how better to learn generosity than by being generous.

All of this thinking has made me decide that I’d like to ammend my blessing challange to myself. I don’t want to just bless ten people over the next few weeks, I want to teach myself to watch for people I can bless all the time. Which is why I’ve decided to spread my challange out over the year.

My new goal is to bless a minimum of one person each month (the key being finding a person I can bless). I don’t want to stop at one person, should the opportunity come to bless one a week, then that’s how many I’ll bless. But, I don’t want to be too amibtious; I am after all a Blesser in Training; I’d rather aim low and hit my target than aim too high and become discouraged (a good lesson for goal setting by the way). So, by December 2007 I’ll have blessed a minimum of twelve people, but, even more importantly, I’ll have gotten into the habit of keeping my eyes and heart open for opprtunities to be a blessing. Which is after all, the real goal.

I was pondering all this when I came across an exercise in a book I was reading. The exercise wasn’t intended to be used for lessons in blessings and generosity, but as soon as I read it I knew it was the perfect tool for the job. So, just in case you’ve decided to take up some level of my blessing challange for yourself, here’s the (slightly ammended) exercise for you to try for yourself.

Be a Blessing Exercise
Make note of any problems you see people having, or hear people complaining about. (I have a little notebook I carry around that would be perfect for this exercise.) Then brainstorm as many possible solutions as you can to their problem (aim for five or more). Look at the solutions – is there something there you can do for them? Now do it!

This exercise isn’t perfect. Obviously, it’s not helpful for those immediate, the woman at the counter is short $5, opportunities; you don’t actually need a list, or maybe, don’t have time to make a list, for some of the blessing opportunities you’ll find. Also, I suppose, there will be some cases where what you can offer isn’t really going to make a dent in the problem. But that’s ok, because the goal of the exercise is to learn to see opportunities to bless more than it is to act out the blessings; after all we can’t act on them if we don’t see them.

It’s not exactly the same scope as my original challange, it doesn’t feel as big and exciting to me, but I’m still excited about it. I’m excited because I think it’s like the “Teach a man to fish” idea… In the long run I’ll be producing way more blessings with this plan (think of next year, and the year after) than I would have with my short-term project. And, that is exciting.

I remember once, a few years ago, I told this guy I was working on a project for the church with, that I thought he was very nice. Nice, as in Kind (I wasn’t trying to flirt, I was being sincere). He was polite and generous, and always trying to encourage the others on the team. He was just a nice guy, and I thought he should know that I noticed that about him. I’ve never forgotten his response to me.

He thanked me for my compliment and seemed very flattered. He told me it meant a lot to him because he worked very hard at being nice, but he didn’t always know if he was succeeding. It seems, that he, himself, was anything but a nice guy. He said, as a teenager and young adult (he was in his 30s at the time) he’d been a bully and downright mean. In fact, he said, to that day, despite years of apologizing for how he treated her, his sister still did not trust him. He’d been so cruel to her growing up she didn’t want to trust him.

He told me, if he managed to be nice to anyone it wasn’t him who was nice, but God in him. That it was God changing him.

I’ve been thinking about that answer again lately. A few incidences brought it back to mind. I replied, a few weeks ago, to someone without stopping to breath (posting before you think should be punishable by time outs or something). I was a tad bit snarky. But, the response I got back, “This isn’t like you,” almost made me want to laugh (in a sad kind of way). Because honestly, that is like me; snarky is me (just ask Wakizashi). In fact, that mouthy, snarky, touchy person is more me than you’d think. My natural instinct has always been to lash out with my mouth.

I don’t mean to give you the wrong impression. I’m not some kind of hypocrite who smiles and talks nice on the outside, but inside is thinking nasty things at you. Don’t worry, this isn’t some kind of confessional post. What I’m actually saying is that that is who I used to be, and who I work every day not to be again.

Like my friend said, God is changing me, and I’m doing the work it takes to be changed. (I assure you, taking the humble root when I really want to ask who they think they are is a lot of work.)

The nice happy, articulate, and always friendly (even humble) Megan you know (is that going too far?) is not the original me. It is a choice I make each morning and each time I’m tempted to let my emotions make my choices. I don’t put on someone I’m not, but I don’t behave the way I used to either. (How’s that for complicated?)

When my friend gave me that answer I knew what he meant, but I’d never experienced that myself. Up until that point I had worked on changing my bad habits, but I had never really let go of them. I had never really decided that I was willing to let my whole character be changed. I’m glad I know exactly what he means now.

I suppose that that guy is still a nice guy. I imagine that he’s even nicer now than he was then (he’s had all these years to practice being nice). I wonder if he struggles even less with the temptation to be mean, if it’s any easier to be nice? I, it seems, still need to remember to stop and take a breath between frustration, pride, and hurt before allowing myself to speak. The “real me” is always happy to have her say (and she’s not always sorry about it afterwards).

I’m awfully glad that this me is the one you know, and I promise to forgive you should you see the real me peeking out, and naturally assume that’s not actually me talking. We both know better, but I’d rather you didn’t know that me anyway.

On Flaming Renaissance:

Friday Felicitations
Dreaming

A prayerful thought as we begin a new year…

My Lord God, I have no idea where I’m going. I do not see the road ahead of me, I cannot know where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing… And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
– Thomas Merton

I have vowed not to make a stereotypial “New Year blah, blah, blah” post (there are many of them out there in the blogging world if you absolutely must read one). Instead, I present you with two holiday lists.

What I didn’t do this Holiday:

- I didn’t freak out (ok, not more than the once… or twice)
- I didn’t eat too much (umm, I did eat a bit of chocolate (maybe too much of it), which is very unusual for me, but the rest I was good with, I swear)
- I didn’t fight with anyone, except my sister, husband, and son
- I didn’t get enough sleep
- I didn’t paint anything
- I didn’t do the work I was hoping to do
- I didn’t post my final pair of PJs
- I didn’t blog (at least not successfully – long story)

Things I did do this Holiday:

- I did give some awesome and thoughtful gifts (and got some too), if I do say so myself
- I did wear flannel pajamas every night
- I did spend the whole week feeling like I had mysteriously awoken one morning as a chicken who was short one head
- I did go out in flannel pajama pants as if they were real pants (and noone could tell the difference, it’s officially my new favorite outfit)
- I did ride in an ambulance and spend New Year’s Eve in the hospital (panic not, everyone is well now. The Kung Fu Master was just helping us bring in the New Year in a New Way – maybe not fodder for a yearly tradition though)
- I did have quiet time (mostly) every morning

And, now, I am glad that Wakizashi is returning to work (sorry Wakizashi) which will herald the return to normalcy at our house. Whatever the heck “normalcy” happens to mean.

Merry Back to Normal Life to all of you too!