The other night I was lying in bed thinking about painting. I suddenly wondered whether I even knew how to paint! I was thinking about how long it had been since I had painted anything – busy-ness and illness took over my holidays and I’ve done nothing since the beginning of December. It has been so long that the idea of painting suddenly feels immensely foreign to me. I couldn’t see myself painting. I couldn’t figure out how to begin a painting, or stir up the energy I need to paint.

January is almost over and I feel so frustrated; being sick has kept me from accomplishing so much that I had hoped to do. I almost feel like my cold ate away at who I was. I’ve lost myself in sinus congestion.

The good news is that I’ve determined that the cold is finally leaving me. It started to drain out and feel different on Friday, I woke up Saturday morning with much of the pressure and pain gone, and today I’m still much improved. I’m slowly getting better. Which is a good thing.

It’s surprising though, how much something so simple can affect you. It’s not just the weeks of feeling sick and not like yourself (I’ve officially been knocked down for 17 days, it’s a long time), it’s the getting back up that is equally discouraging. Just thinking about all the energy it’s going to take to get back in the swing of things, to be chipper and happy, to sit down and paint a picture – thinking about it is exhausting.

All that momentum I had pushing me along is gone. I’ve got to not only get caught up on what I missed, but build my momentum back up so I can keep moving forward. Man, it’s no wonder we quit our diets, and exercise plans, and pushing after goals when we have one little set back. It’s not so much the set back as it is the effort of getting the motor back up to working speed again that’s discouraging.

As a form of exercise I really like weight machines and I recall my trainer telling me that the best way to lift weights is to do each lift slowly with a small pause in between. The reason is that lifting swiftly, and going just as quickly into the next lift takes advantage of your momentum. The power and motion from the last lift lends itself to the next one. It’s nice when you are tired (or just lazy), but it also takes some of the pressure off your muscle and tends to defeat the purpose of doing all those reps in the first place. Getting going again is like that: knowing you have five more to go and you have to lift all five of them by yourself without the aid of momentum.

On the other hand, the thought of letting myself drag my feet and having to try and get the momentum going after another week of delay is even more discouraging. Which is currently my motivation for getting back in the saddle now and not allowing myself to wallow in self-pity and overwhelm. Hey, it’s as good a reason as any.

On Flaming Renaissance: Friday Felicitations