Wakizashi’s sister and her husband came by for dinner yesterday. She was having problems with her laptop and Wakizashi told her that if she brought it up he’d try to fix it for her (turns out he couldn’t which is too bad). She and I were friends in high school but for the last few years we haven’t been close (in that way), as couples we’ve always been very different.
Last night though we had a really good conversation. We see each other a few times a year, but normally only skim the surface of conversation (remember we are different). A chance comment by my Sister-in-Law led to a very interesting conversation about religion and spirituality. I have to say, it left me kind of shocked.
A few months ago they announced a major change to their lives which left Wakizashi and I with our mouths hanging on the ground (they sold their beautiful, new home to move into the “poor” part of town and start a youth drop in centre). It is so far from the bias we had based on what we saw of their lives up to that point it left me speechless. We were shocked, and yet, immensely proud.
Last night’s conversation left me, not quite, but almost equally shocked (Wakizashi told me he knew once they made the first announcement that they had lept off the path they were on and landed on a new one so he wasn’t too shocked). I’m really impressed with them. (It sounds oh, so, patronizing and I don’t mean it that way. I’m being sincere.) But it also made me realize something. Or, it’s more accurate to say that it brought something home to me (because I’ve realized this before but never at home in my own life).
Our biases can, if not hinder their journey, blind us to the journey those we love most are taking. We see them as materialistic, immature, loud, arrogant and so we begin each encounter with that image of them in mind. We prepare to spend time with “My Sister the Manipulator” and we become blind to their attempts to overcome, or become more, than that label. This is true even when we never vocalise the label, even when they are unaware of how we see them (or how we think they are).
It’s hard to grow up when you live at home, where you’ve always lived. When those people see me they think of a teen mother, a boisterous, immature girl – grown to a woman. They don’t truly know the depths of who I am. Wakizashi’s sister has been growing over the last year and I’ve been blind to it because of my bias towards her. Frankly, that just wasn’t fair. So, I’m sorry to her and her husband for ever thinking I could peg them in a label that they could never break free of.
Mostly though, I’m sorry for myself. I’m sorry because if it hadn’t been for a fortious comment made last night who knows how long it would have been before I looked at them with clear, fresh eyes and saw them for who they truly were – or, are in the process of truly becoming. Thank God for his grace to show me how selfish I really am, and the grace to let me glimpse the massive things he’s doing in the hearts of two of those who we love the most.
(A really great movie this train of thought brings to mind is In Her Shoes. It’s a complete chick flick but I loved it.)
