My husband very rarely recommends I watch something he’s watched in his own time. Yet, through some odd trail of “someone recommended” and similar subject matter he ended up watching a documentary he really wanted me to see. Timing was an issue so it was Saturday night before I finally got a chance to sit down and see it.
Well, I know why he wanted me to watch it. I want all kinds of people to watch it – it’s just that kind of thing. It’s a good thing. It’s not meant to be Christian in content but I could support pretty much every point Biblically (and that without even taking any verses out of context or leaving out inconvenient parts). None-the-less I won’t go recommending it willy nilly; some things (I’m convinced) require some spiritual maturity. (Which is not meant to imply that you aren’t mature – I hardly even know you!)
That’s irrelevent, the subject of the documentary wasn’t the point of my post. The point was the results…
Sunday Wakizashi (that’s my husband, I’ve decided to run with the whole ‘code name’ thing) and I had a disagreement. It was minor on his blip scale I imagine – but had major emotional results on mine. Negative emotions. Not because of him, per say, but because of me. I was suddenly sunk in a very old feeling of worthlessness that I haven’t felt in some time. The drive home was a symphony of nausea and bad feelings.
Whoa… time trip. I used to feel that way all the time. When I was stuck in it this time though this voice kept telling me I had a choice, I didn’t have to give in, but the idea of all the work to push up out was so overwhelming I didn’t really want to do it. Phew, thanks to my little voice (let’s call it God, that’s a nice name for it) and a lot of grace I managed to be the winner in the end.
Monday went without any glitches (nothing worth remembering anyway) but today… Today I had a fight with Wakizashi. An actual argument, heated feelings (on my part anyway), raised voices (mine anyway). I was happy later that we hadn’t resorted to any of our former back stabbing, eye scratching behavior (hey, it is possible to fight nice), but I was a little overwhelmed by the fight in the first place. Two arguments in two days – that’s more than we’ve had in three months.
Wakizashi says, well yeah, you were being negative. Well, thanks for the insight! He’s not so far off though, it really was me who blew them both out of proportion.
So I’m brushing my teeth this afternoon (yes, this afternoon, don’t worry, I didn’t sleep till the afternoon) and I’m thinking “Adversary”. Yes, that’s exactly what this whole thing makes me think of, Adversary – as in, I have one. (Just in case you didn’t know Satan means Adversary.)
Then it made me think of a conversation I read on SonLight about food choices. It was a discussion on a particular diet that is supposed to purify your system (by removing any unpure foods). They said that without fail the results in the first few weeks seem to be a dismal failure. Sickness, exhaustion, pimples, etc. That’s all the toxins in your system being forced out, coming out. Giving time to ‘flush’ your body bounces back and comes out feeling the best you’ve ever felt.
That’s what this made me think of, adversaries (well, just one of them) and toxins. I don’t know if it’s as basic as “When you make changes for the good, follow God’s path, Satan attacks you and tries to block you from moving forward.” But I do know it’s the same kind of results. It seems a little more complex to me, but let me say, I have felt the tight fisted grip of the “old way”, unwilling to loose it’s power (or grip) over me and I’ve decided I’m no one’s patsy. Not an Adversary’s – not a toxins’.
My husband, I’m sure, will be relieved to know I’ve finally figured this one out. Ahh… sweet peace.
